The Waffle House
by tobiluvswaffles
Summary: well this is probably what would happen if i joined naruto.........it will varry from depressingly emo to complete crack so be ware
1. Chapter 1: the Begining

_-ahem- hack hack hack cough couhg exuse me goes into coughing fit for about 5 minutes sorry about that. but yes this is just a completely random fanfiction that has no plot what so ever, but will probably develope one over a course of time_

_i do not own naruto cause if i did, naruto would be obsessed with waffles instead of ramen...or maybe ramen-waffles. and gaara would kill people more often, and there would be alot of crack, but ya um waffles and coffee are good for you!_

_sorry about the crappy style.  
_

Chapter 1

The begining

with team 7  
They were sitting on the bridge waiting for Kakashi to show up  
Narrator's thoughts: he's always late...ALWAYS!  
Naruto: Why is he always late?  
Sasuke: because...he's a moron  
Sakura: Sasuke don't call the Kakashi-sensei a moron.  
Sakura started bugging Sasuke and completely ignoring Naruto.  
with Kakashi  
Kakashi is sitting in the hokage's office  
The 3rd: Kakashi, I'm adding someone new to your team.  
Kakashi: who?  
The 3rd: her name is Tobi, here's her file.  
Kakashi: oh, okay. Why is she being put on my team?  
The 3rd: because her first sensei couldn't handle her energy level. And we think she'll work well with Naruto.  
Kakashi: okay then where is she?  
The 3rd: TOBI!!  
A young girl about 13 hops (literally) into the room eating a chocolate bar and drinking a cup of coffee.  
The 3rd: Tobi you do not need that (takes chocolate and coffee)  
Tobi: awwwwwwwww but the caffeine.  
The 3rd: you need caffeine why?  
Tobi: Two reasons, 1: insomnia 2: it goes good with waffles  
Kakashi: okay well we should go meet your new team  
Tobi: YAY!! HEY LOOK A SQUIRREL!!  
The 3rd: beware Kakashi. She is Konaha's most random ninja. But she is a good fighter and has a lot of distractions. So she will be useful.  
Kakashi: okay she will work well with Naruto.  
Tobi: LET'S GO!! drags Kakashi out of the hokage's office  
Kakashi: do you even know where you're going?  
Tobi: nope but I'll find it! You're that emo guys sensei right?  
Kakashi: puzzled look  
Tobi: uchiha?  
Kakashi: oh, you know Sasuke?  
Tobi: uhhhhh, sure. I know what he looks like  
Kakashi: that's good enough  
Tobi drags Kakashi around Konoha for the greater part of the day  
Tobi: I FOUND THEM!!  
Tobi drags Kakashi to the bridge  
Naruto: KAKASHI-SENSEI!! YOU'RE LATE!!  
Kakashi: sorry but I had matters to attend to with the hokage.  
Sakura: lies!!  
Kakashi: I have proof.  
Naruto: yeah right. And what is this proof?  
Kakashi: we have a new member on our team.  
Naruto: who?  
Kakashi: she's over…  
Tobi: is this my team?! jumping up and down eating a waffle  
Naruto: where did you get the waffle?  
Tobi: I summoned it  
Kakashi: you know a summoning jutsu?  
Tobi: nope I made it myself, I call it waffle summoning jutsu  
Kakashi: what else can you do?  
Tobi: breakfast slap no jutsu!  
A waffle pops up and slaps Kakashi across the face  
Kakashi: what was that?  
Tobi: it was a waffle  
Kakashi: I saw that, but where did it com from?  
Tobi: the sky oh look it's a waffle house!!  
Tobi runs off to the near by waffle house  
Every one: ...  
Sasuke: she's our new team member?!  
Kakashi: I'll go get her.  
5 minutes later: Tobi walks out with a plate of waffles.  
Naruto: where's Kakashi-sensei?  
Tobi: he spotted the icha-icha series  
Naruto: WHAT!!  
Tobi: yup finishes waffles any one want to train?  
Kakashi walks out with new book.  
Tobi: YAY!! TRAINING TIME!!  
Kakashi: okay so today we're sparing. The paring will go like this: Tobi vs. Sasuke, Naruto vs. Sakura  
Tobi: sweet! C'mon.  
Tobi drags Sasuke away to the training grounds  
Clone Tobi: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!  
Tobi: well you heard my clone punches Sasuke  
Sasuke: what the heck?!  
Tobi: we are supposed to be fighting, aren't we?  
Sasuke: yeah but you didn't warn me?!  
Tobi: you are such an idiot! I was right in front of you!  
Sasuke: fine! SHARINGAN!  
Tobi: if you're trying to see what my next move is going to be good luck!!  
Sasuke: what wh-  
Tobi punches Sasuke in the face  
Tobi: Tobi-2 Uchiha-zip  
Sasuke: what the heck!!  
Tobi: U R no fun, you have like no experience what so ever. You are so-  
Sasuke attempts to punch Tobi in the face but Tobi blocks it and then Sasuke kicks Tobi landing a blow in her side. All of a sudden a clone of Tobi runs across the field with half a water melon on her head waving a stick with someone's boxers on it, screaming.  
Clone Tobi: I'M A SQUIRREL!! YAY!!  
Sasuke: are those Nej-  
Clone Tobi2 knocks Sasuke out.  
Tobi: I WIN!!  
Tobi picks Sasuke up and walks to the meeting place where a very flusters Sakura and a clearly smiling Naruto were sparring. When Tobi walked into the clearing carrying Sasuke, Sakura looked over and squealed  
Sakura: SASUKE!! What did you do to him!?  
Tobi: I beat him.  
Sakura: nobody beats my Sasuke!  
Tobi: they don't?  
Sakura: No, they don-  
Naruto knocked her out.  
Tobi: YAY!! BLONDIE WON!! I still don't know your name? Heck I don't know any ones name.  
Naruto: SENSEI!! WE NEED TO INTRODUCE OURSELVES!  
Kakashi: oh, oh yeah. Let's wait till the other two wake up, kay?  
Tobi: oh! Oh! I'll wake them up! BREAKFAST SLAP NO JUTSU!!  
Two pancakes slap Sasuke and Sakura and Sasuke bolts up and yells.  
Sasuke: NEJI'S BOXERS!!  
Naruto: snicker  
Tobi: so that's the name of the guy whose boxers I stole….  
Every one: Oo  
Neji runs up and screams: GIVE ME BACK MY BOXERS!!  
Tobi: but what if I said I needed them?  
Neji: I don't care! They're my boxers  
Tobi: I'll give you 5 dollars for them  
Neji: ten and it's a deal.  
Tobi: okay! Here you go.  
Tobi hands Neji ten dollars


	2. Chapter 2: The Mission

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The mission

Neji: I am ten dollars richer yay!!  
Tobi: you didn't do that last time I gave you money for your boxers…  
Sasuke: you've done this before?!  
Tobi: yeah, he has boxers that grabs people attention unlike yours. Black….so not imaginative.  
Sakura: you've seen Sasuke's boxers?!  
Tobi: they weren't on him….I also read his diary, journal thing. He really likes pie…..  
Naruto: I'm locking my door from now on.  
Tobi: I'm just kidding. Hinata gave me Neji's boxers for a…..uhhh…..Naruto how about me and you go and get some ramen I'll pay.  
Naruto: SWEET!! SURE!!  
Tobi: race you there!!  
Naruto: you're on!  
As Tobi and Naruto raced to the ramen place that Naruto loves to eat at (I forgot its name) a messenger for the 3rd walked up.  
Messenger: the 3 says you need to do a mission.  
Kakashi: okay, we'll be there after lunch  
Messenger: why?  
Kakashi: because, two of our team members just raced off to the ramen bar  
with Naruto and Tobi  
Tobi beat Naruto by just a hair  
Tobi: now Naruto lets see who can eat ramen faster.  
Naruto: you're on  
Tobi: looser buys.  
Naruto's thoughts: he, he she will have to pay, because no one eats ramen faster then me  
Naruto: kk, shake on it  
Tobi: kk  
Tobi and Naruto shake hands  
Tobi: hey ramen guy, we need some to shout go, for our race to see who can eat ramen faster, and can we have two bowls of ramen?  
Ramen person: what flavors?  
Naruto: miso  
Tobi: chicken  
Ramen person: okay.  
The ramen person hands them their ramen  
Ramen person: 3….2….1…..GO  
Tobi and Naruto start eating ramen and about 3 seconds later Tobi yells  
Tobi: DONE! Sorry Naruto you pay.  
Naruto had a mouth full of ramen  
Naruto: MMMM!?  
Tobi: I am the vortex!!  
Naruto finishes his last bite of ramen  
Naruto: aww, man  
Tobi: here, just because I'm cool, I'll pay  
Naruto: thanks.  
Tobi: no problem…..um I got to go. Here's fifty buck, and ramen guy, here's the money for the ramen.  
Naruto: --?  
Tobi: I got to go.  
Tobi walks off and then Hinata walks by  
Naruto: HEY Hinata!!  
Hinata: h-h-hey N-n-Naruto.  
Naruto: want to have some ramen?  
Hinata: sh-sh-sure  
Naruto and Hinata have a nice lunch while Tobi goes to look for Kakashi and Sasuke and Sakura only to find a trail of emo make-up and icha icha books.  
Tobi thoughts: uh oh, Sakura's kidnapped Kakashi sensei and Sasuke!! Sakura might rape Sasuke!! NOOOOOOOO!! Wait, why am I saying no…..oh ya dramatic effect NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Well I should probably save him, but I wont I'll go get some pie.  
Tobi walks off to go get some pie and ends up finding the end of the trail, and since she forgot the whole conversation with her self that happened about 5 minutes ago decided to follow it inside the ware house  
Tobi: hello!! Who left their emo make-up and perverted books outside?!  
Suddenly Tobi was hit over the head  
Tobi: WHAT THE FUDGE!!  
Person: that should have knocked you out  
Tobi: my head is harder than anything what where you doing!!  
Person: we wanted to capture the first person in here  
Tobi: I'm leaving  
Tobi walks out of the ware house and finds Kakashi following the trail of icha icha books  
Tobi to Kakashi: don't go in there you'll get attacked by THE CRAYZIES!!  
Kakashi: ….Tobi, we have to go see the hokage, gather up your team mates and meet me at his office. Kk?  
Tobi: OKAY!! I have a better idea hold on and stay here  
Tobi performs hand seals  
Tobi: WAFFLE BOUNDING JUTSU!!  
Kakashi is then suddenly being held to a near by pole by a string of blueberry waffles.  
Tobi: do not eat your way through these if you want do stay awake, and the automatically disable any jutsu beside the release jutsu that only I know.  
Kakashi: --'  
Tobi disappears in a cloud of waffle steam to go get Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto.  
With Sasuke  
Sasuke was sitting is his bedroom playing with his Barbie dolls when Tobi appears.  
Tobi: hello sas……what's with dress?  
Sasuke: o/o…….uh, what are you doing here?  
Tobi: I was told to get every body and meet Kakashi-sensei. Why is your bedroom purple with pink hearts, flowers, and a rainbow border?  
Sasuke: because……just let me change into my regular clothing okay.  
Tobi: okay sas-GAY  
Sasuke: IM NOT GAY!!  
Tobi: dude, your room is pink and purple with hearts, rainbows and flowers; you're wearing a dress and playing with Barbie dolls. You, my friend, are gay.  
Sasuke: I am not; I just have a very feminim side that I don't show many people.  
Tobi: ……am I one of those not many people?  
Sasuke: on accident.  
Tobi: hurry up I got to get Sakura and Naruto.  
Sasuke: okay where do we meet Kakashi?  
Tobi: uhhhhhhh the ware house near the pie shop.  
Sasuke: okay…..  
Tobi: see ya.  
Tobi leaves to go get Sakura.  
with Sakura  
Tobi burst through the window and Sakura screams and quickly jumps off Shikamaru  
Tobi: …….did I come at a bad time?  
Sakura: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF KNOCKING!!  
Tobi: ………what's "nocking"  
Shikamaru: Tobi, are you mentally challenged?  
Tobi: no I have ADHD!! And markers…  
Tobi pushes up her left sleeve to show intricately drawn designs on her arm.  
Shikamaru: ………..  
Tobi: Kakashi wanted up to meet him by the ware house by the pie store.  
Sakura: okay.  
Tobi: see ya later!!  
Tobi jumps out the other window breaking it too.  
with Naruto  
Tobi burst downs Naruto's front door and starts calling his name.  
Tobi: NARUTO!! NARUTO!!  
Tobi burst through Naruto's bedroom door to see Naruto and Hinata eating ramen on Naruto's bed  
Tobi: …..Naruto we need to meet Kakashi-sensei at the ware house next to the pie place, kk?  
Naruto: umm, okay  
Tobi: see ya!!  
Tobi then burst out of the window and ran back to the ware house where she had Kakashi bound to a pole and Sasuke and Sakura were sitting there trying to figure out how to free him.  
Tobi: stand back!! And turn around I don't want you to see this, Kakashi-sensei, close your eyes please.  
Kakashi closes his eyes and Sakura and Sasuke turned around respectfully  
Tobi: WAFFLE RELEASES NO JUTSU!!  
All of a sudden all the waffles disappear in a cloud of waffle steam.  
Tobi: you can open your eyes now  
By then Naruto was with them.  
Kakashi: okay so now we head to the hokage's office to see what the mission is.  
So they all headed to the hokage's office to find out what the mission was.  
When they got there, the hokage was sitting waiting for them with all the other teams, including Tobi's old team who included a girl with short brown hair, wearing a t-shirt and some sweats, named Asagi  
Asagi: Tobi!!  
Tobi: ASAGI!! Yay!  
Another girl with her hair died black and cropped short wearing a black t-shirt, and black shorts named Fuka  
Fuka: hello Tobi.  
Tobi: FUKA!!  
Fuka: hits Tobi ow my ears  
Tobi: sorry Fuka  
And a boy with naturally tanned skin, chocolate brown eyes wearing baggy jeans and an old t-shirt named Warai  
Warai: hey Tobi!  
Tobi: YAY!! WARAI IS HERE!!  
Fuka: hits Tobi again what did I say about shouting!  
Tobi: puts on puppy-dog eyes I'm sorry Fuka  
Asagi: Fuka don't hit Tobi, it's not her fault.  
Warai: we got a new team member.  
Tobi: I was gone for a day and I'm already replaced!?  
Warai: don't get upset, any way Tobi, meet Tiko, Tiko meet Tobi.  
Tiko: Hi.  
Tobi: Hi  
Tiko was about as tall as Tobi, with hair just ever so lighter and the same eyes as Warai, wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  
Hokage: well now that every one is here, I'll get on to telling you about the mission. First of all, it's the Kazekage's daughter's birthday, next month so I'm sending you to, 1. help them get ready, 2. you were invited, and 3. you guys need a vacation.  
Tobi: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!! We get a vacation?! Wait is the party formal semiformal or informal?  
Hokage: uhhhhh, informal.  
Every body in Tobi's old team including Tobi, started dancing  
Tobi: no dresses YES!!  
Sakura: why don't you like dresses?  
Tobi's flash back to a nightmare she had when she was five: the dress flew at Tobi trying to strangle her, and when it finally got a hold of her neck POOF Tobi woke with a start never the wake-up-screaming type end flashback  
Tobi: no reason…..  
Hokage: well any way, you should probably leave tomorrow morning.  
All sensei's: HAI!  
Tobi: well I got to get packed. yells to Sasuke SASUKE IT WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA TO BRING THE DRESS AND BARBIE DOLLS!!  
Sasuke started to blush profusely and then walked up to Tobi and punches her.  
Tobi: what was that for?  
Sasuke try's to punch Tobi again but she dodges it and his hand hits the wall.  
Tobi: hello!! Any one in there?  
Sasuke kicks at Tobi, this time sending her flying towards the wall, but instead of hitting it like she should have, she push off of the wall with her feet and flew towards Sasuke tackling him, holding him to the ground with he hands.  
Tobi: WHAT WAS THAT FOR!!  
Sasuke then leans up and kisses Tobi.  
Tobi: OO…….EWWWWWWWWW!! emo germs!!  
Tobi started to freak out  
Tobi: EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!  
Sasuke: not the same effects I was going for. Oh well it works  
Sakura: …….  
Ino: …….  
Tiko to Tobi: did you just get kissed by Konoha's hottest ninja?!  
Tobi: EW! EW! EW! Mouth wash, some one please!!  
Asagi hands Tobi some mouth wash and gets her to calm down a bit and walks her to the girl's bathroom.  
With Tobi and Asagi  
Tobi was now hyper ventilating  
Asagi: Tobi, Breathe  
Tobi: gasp emo gasp germs gasp  
Fuka: Tobi, are you all right?  
Asagi: she's not doing too well.  
Tobi: still hyperventilating  
Fuka: here  
Fuka knocked Tobi out  
Fuka: there, now she's in for a nice long nap.  
Fuka and Asagi walk out caring Tobi back to the hokage's office.  
Warai: what happened?!  
Fuka: she passed out.  
Warai: oh.  
Asagi: team 7, we'll take Tobi home. Okay?  
Kakashi: okay.  
Asagi, Warai, Fuka, and Tiko all walked to Tobi house and packed her stuff for her and left her to sleep on her bed.


	3. Chapter 3: The Mission II

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The mission part II

Tobi woke up in the middle of the night, to a full moon.  
Tobi's thoughts: duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude what happened?  
Tobi called Fuka because she was most likely up at that time.  
Fuka: WTF. Who is calling at this time of night?  
Tobi: Fuka, what happened at the hokage's office yester day?  
Fuka started going into fits of laughter  
Tobi: firm voice okay so what happened?  
You could still hear the laughter in Fuka's voice.  
Fuka: you know Sasuke? The supposedly hottest ninja of our age group?  
Tobi: ya, why?  
Fuka: well, he kissed you then you started freaking out and then I knocked you out to get you to calm down.  
Tobi: oh, okay thank you. I'll see you tomorrow.  
Fuka: yea see ya tomorrow.  
Tobi: bye bye  
Tobi's thoughts: maaaaaaaaaaaaaan, I want some skittles  
Tobi then gets a very, very bright idea sarcasm  
Tobi runs through the street screaming.  
Tobi: SKITTLES! SEE THE RAINBOW TATSE THE RAINBOW!!  
Over and over until a very agitated Sasuke came out and threw a giant bag of skittles at Tobi.  
Sasuke: THERE! YOU HAPPY NOW!? SHUT UP AND GO TO BED! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!  
Tobi: sorry, Sasu-kun puppy dog eyes  
Sasuke: oh, so now I'm Sasu-kun, huh? What happened to you freaking out today?  
Tobi: Sasu-kun, are you PMSing?  
Sasuke: NO!! IM A GUY!! HOW COULD I BE PMSing?! But why am I Sasu-kun?  
Tobi: well would you rather be Gaylord, the other nick-name I thought up for you?  
Sasuke: no, Sasu-kun is fine.  
Tobi: kk, night, night Sasu-kun  
Sasuke: ya, what ever.  
Sasuke walks back into his house and Tobi goes home to pack her chakara powered waffle maker, buy some m & m's and find a recipe for skittles and m & m's waffles.  
Sunrise  
Tobi walks to the front gates of Konoha figuring that was where they were supposed to meet and Asagi, Tiko, Fuka, and Warai were there  
Tobi: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!! What's-his-face gave me skittles  
Asagi: what for?  
Tobi: well I was running down the street screaming "skittles see the rainbow taste the rainbow" and he came out and was like twetly screaming in my face so now his new name is Sasu-kun  
Asagi: ahhhhhhhhh, so you remember it better?  
Tobi: you betcha. Warai, you're not talking much, why is that?  
Warai: I just woke up, what do you think?  
Tobi: want a waffle?  
Warai: no thank you.  
Tobi: WAFFLE STUFFING NO JUTSU!!  
Warai was then suddenly attacked by 15 waffles shoving their way down his throat  
Warai: what was that for? I didn't do any thing?! You attacked me out of the blue?!  
Tobi: yes, and that is why you love me.  
Warai: yes, that is why.  
Tobi: oh look a waffle house!  
Tobi walks into the waffle house (this time the house is made of giant waffles)  
Tobi: they have waffle furniture and the faucets are syrup!  
Tobi starts to eat what looks like a table to her but is actually a rock  
Warai: um, Tobi that's not a waffle table  
Tobi: it is tooooooo  
Asagi: ummmmmmmmmmmm, Tobi how much sugar have you had.  
Tobi: absolutely none  
Asagi: here Tobi, eat this.  
Asagi hands Tobi a chocolate bar. After Tobi eats that she realizes that she is eating a rock.  
Tobi: why am I eating a rock?  
Fuka: I don't know Tobi, I don't think any one knows.  
Tobi: well, I do have that weird ability to confuse people when in battle,  
Warai: I still will never get what happened when you when our sensei paired us up to spar.  
Tobi: oh, how is Taizen-sensei?  
Asagi: he's a lot better since you're no longer in our team.  
Tobi: that's good. Hey! His b-day's coming up right?  
Fuka: ummmm, yeah, why?  
Tobi: let's send him on vacation!!  
Fuka: then who would train us?  
Tobi: Kakashi-sensei could!  
Asagi: do you know what that man reads?!  
Tobi: of course. I did steel it from him once as a dare?  
Fuka: oh ya. snicker do you still have it?  
Tobi: nah, I hawked it to him for 20 dollars  
??: so that's why I lost my book  
Tobi: crap. Hello Kakashi-sensei.  
Kakashi: now, may I have my 20 dollars back?  
Tobi: remember that girl who bought the necklace off you for 20?  
Kakashi: yeah, why?  
Tobi: that was me.  
Kakashi: so pretty much, I bought my own jewelry?  
Tobi: no, I then sold the necklace for 20 and returned that to your bedroom. Nice color scheme I may add.  
Kakashi: why thank you. And that's why I found 20 shoved into my mask.  
Tobi: yup . Any way, we were thinking of sending Taizen-sensei on vacation and were wondering if you would train Fuka, Tiko, Asagi, and Warai?  
Kakashi: only if the hokage says yes.  
Tobi: I kind of already discussed it with him. He says it's a great idea and that we should get it ready for his birthday in September.  
Asagi:….. Tobi you think ahead a lot don't you?  
Tobi: can't help it, it's my overactive imagination.  
By then all the other teams showed up.  
Naruto: hey Tobi!  
Tobi: hi Naru-kun! Morning, Sasu-kun.  
Sasuke: hn.  
Tobi: yello Sakura.  
Sakura: why did you call Sasuke-kun Sasu-kun?  
Tobi: his names Sasuke? Well I knew his name started with Sasu so I call him Sasu-kun.  
Sakura: and what about Naru-kun?  
Tobi: I thought it sounded better.  
Sakura: okay, wait, who are these people?  
Sakura just notices Tobi's old team.  
Tobi: this is Warai, Fuka, Asagi, and Tiko.  
After that Akamaru ran up to Tobi.  
Tobi: awwwwwwwwwww, look at the kwut wittle pwuppy.  
Kiba: AKAMARU! COME BACK!!  
Tobi: so that's your name, I'm going to call you Aka-kun.  
Kiba: thank goodness. You found him.  
Tobi: well actually, he found me.  
Kiba: well, can I have my dog back.  
Tobi: sure, but I don't think he wants to.  
Akamaru: bark, bark  
Kiba: Akamaru, you have to come.  
Tobi: what he say?  
Kiba: he says he doesn't want to go with me.  
Tobi: I'll take him, I don't mind carrying him.  
Kiba: I'll have to walk with you.  
By then Warai was standing protectively beside Tobi.  
As they started walking, Tobi and Kiba started talking and getting to know each other.  
Kiba: and every time Naruto talks to Hinata, she blushes and faints.  
Tobi: weird. You know I've never been the fainting type.  
Kiba: really?  
While Tobi and Kiba were talking Warai had slipped his arm protectively around Tobi's waist. Kakashi then popped up with a guy about 15.  
Tobi: Hello Taizen-sensei.  
The guy presumably named Taizen, started glaring at Tobi and Warai was glaring back.  
Kakashi: hey, looks like we have two lovebirds here.  
Then Asagi and Fuka popped up.  
Fuka: you betcha, and you don't know how long it took us to get them together  
Tobi had her head down covering her eyes and Warai was blushing.  
Asagi: they both liked each other fur a really, really long time. There was this one time when we were on a mission with another team that Tobi got hurt and passed out fur bout minutes. Warai was freaking out because Tobi has never been the fainting type. And while Tobi wakes up while that was happening and goes "Warai what's wrong" and relief washes over Warai and Tobi, who has this uncanny ability to know when the mood changes in a room, goes "Warai you were worried about me, weren't you?" and Warai blushes and goes "no" and Tobi goes "thank you" and Warai goes "you're welcome" and then, then, then, Fuka what happened after?  
Fuka: well, we healed Tobi's many wounds and then continued the mission.  
Asagi: oh ya. And they ended up going out fur waffles after that.  
Kakashi: well Tobi, I hope you don't let your emotions get in the way.  
Tobi: I won't Kakashi-sensei.  
Taizen: you too Warai, although I can't understand why you would go out with a prep like this.  
Then some one speaks.  
??: PREP! Prep! Are you kidding me, she isn't prep, she's emo.  
Tobi: shut up, Saru.  
Saru: never emo-goth  
Asagi: Tobi, don't lose your cool.  
Tobi: one of these days, I'm going to snap and he will end up with his foot shoved into his mouth.  
Fuka: Tobi, he does that already by himself.  
Tobi: I meant literally.  
Asagi: oh.  
Tobi: well, it's getting dark.  
Kakashi: it is. We should set up camp. Who's going to cook dinner?  
Tobi starts to raise her hand and Fuka quickly makes her put it back down.  
Fuka: Tobi, I don't think any one wants waffles for dinner.  
Tobi: I want waffles fur dinner.  
As it ended up, one of the sensei's cooked dinner and made m & m waffles specially for Tobi. And every one went to bed.


	4. Chapter 4: The Mission III

Chapter 4

The mission part III

Tobi slept very well in the three room tent her team was assigned. She dreamed she was beating up Taizen and Saru. She walked out smiling and Sakura glared at her. She turned to Naruto.  
Tobi: Naru-kun, why is Sakura glaring at me?  
Naruto: she was complaining about not getting any sleep due to your restless kicking and fidgeting.  
Tobi: really? I slept great.  
Tobi then sniffed the air and ran to the person who was making breakfast.  
Tobi: PANCAKES! PANCAKES! You moron! You do not cook pancakes fur breakfast! You cook waffles!  
Person: and do you have a waffle maker?  
Tobi: yes, yes I do, and its chakara powered 3  
Person: and how do you power a chakara powered waffle maker and not run out of chakara?  
Tobi: actually I have to use chakara on a regular basis because if I don't it will all release at once and that's not good because it will knock every one out.  
Person: oh okay miss smarty-I-have-so-much-chakara-pants. You make breakfast.  
Tobi: okay. One min.  
Tobi walks off to go get her chakara powered waffle maker and bags of skittles and m & m's  
After she made waffles every on ate and started to pack up. Then all of a sudden Tobi sensed something, made eye contact with Ronan Warai and Asagi and reached up to make it look like she was scratching the back of her head but she was really grabbing a katana Ronan Warai and Asagi all reached for their katanas then a kunai came flying out at Taizen and Tobi blocked it immediately as a band of rouge ninja ran out of the forest surrounding the camp.  
Tobi had a katana in her hand that looked like it was on fire but glistening like it was covered in water, Ronan had a katana that looked like it was charged with electricity but the cloth hanging from the handle looked like it was blowing in the wind though there was no breeze, Asagi had double short katanas and Warai had a scythe like weapon.  
Kakashi: what on earth?!  
Tobi was about to be attacked by a rouge ninja from behind but he ended up bleeding from the trough writhing in pain.  
Tobi: not a good Idea to attack me from behind.  
There was blood squirting out of the wound as Warai decapitated another one of the attackers and Ronan stabbed and electrocuted another. Asagi was having fun turning the ninja she was fighting into mince meat. Taizen worked to get all the others out of the way.  
Ronan: hey Tobi, you having fun over there?  
Tobi was in the middle of stabbing a rouge ninja to death.  
Tobi: of course!  
As All the other Konoha ninja were scrambling out of the way of Ronan, Asagi, Warai, and Tobi so they wouldn't get in the way.  
Tobi: hey Warai don't forget the one on the left!  
Warai was fighting about 5 ninja at a time.  
Warai: I wont, don't worry.  
Tobi watched as she made a ninja explode.  
Tobi: boom! Asagi watch out behind you!  
Asagi stabbed two ninja that were about to attack her from behind in the stomach and left them to bleed to death. all the blood and intestines came out.  
After a lot of blood shed, gore and violence later, Ronan fried the bodies to a crisp and Tobi burned them so there were no remains left, and Kakashi looked at Tobi like she was an alien.  
Kakashi: what…how…when…wha!?  
Tobi: oh I forgot to mention I'm really good with higogyou.  
Kakashi: higogyou?  
Tobi: my katana. That's it name.  
Kakashi: you work with a katana?  
Tobi: ya, why?  
Kakashi: why didn't you tell me?  
Tobi: you didn't ask.  
Kakashi: hi- gogyou, is fire and water, doesn't water disable fire?  
Tobi: not with me. I'll show you.  
Tobi cups her hands and a shallow pool of water forms in mid air, Tobi then sets the water on fire.  
Tobi: see.  
Kakashi: and what about your old team?  
Ronan: we were teamed up for our natural abilities with katanas.  
Warai: well, mines not a sword, it's a scythe but there's not much difference.  
Kakashi: Tobi why didn't any one see your katana?  
Tobi: because.  
Tobi takes of the overly large dark blue pull over hoodie to reveal an arsenal of kunai, shuriken, senbon, smaller katanas, and other sharp, pointy shiny weapons and dynamite, and black powder.  
Tobi: that's why.  
Every one stares at Tobi.  
Tobi: what?  
Kakashi: Oo  
Every one else: Oo  
Asuma: we should probably get moving before we get attacked by more rouge ninja  
Shikamaru then walks up to Tobi and her old team.  
Shikamaru: Tobi, I saw you scratch your head right before the ninja attacked, why did you do that?  
Tobi: I have my katana sheathe on my back.  
Shikamaru: then how did you know when they were going to attack.  
Tobi: a ninja is always on guard, the rest of you let your guard down. Including the senseis. And I heard them rustling the trees. Warai felt a disturbance in the atmosphere, and I had mist set up in a circumference around the camp. The walked through it and triggered the alarm. Ronan felt the wind shift and Asagi, Asagi, Asagi how did you know?  
Asagi: a squirrel told me.  
Tobi: no way! What was its name?  
Asagi: he said his name was chippy.  
Tobi: isn't that the squirrel that lives around my neighbor hood?  
Asagi: I don't know Tobi, I'll have to ask.  
Tobi: okay.  
Shikamaru: you can talk to animals?  
Asagi: sort of. They all understand us, we just don't understand them, but I do though.  
Shikamaru: that's why you guys made eye contact. You were conversing but not talking. Amazing.  
Tobi: what's so amazing about teamwork?  
Shikamaru: because, Tobi, the team you're on now could really use team work.  
Tobi: I know. They could also use some strategizing.  
Shikamaru: you strategize?  
Tobi: ya, but if I'm fighting by my self, I usually scrap it and improvise. That's more fun. And what's the use of fighting if you're not having fun?  
Shikamaru: it was amazing that you all watched out for each other while fighting your own fights.  
Tobi: we're multi tasked.  
Shikamaru: whatever, I'd just hate to fight you.  
Ronan: you shouldn't. she is actually very sensitive to killing. That is why I fried all the bodies. She never kills people.  
Tobi: I can't help it. It's just not me to kill. And dead bodies make me sad. They were someone's brother, sister, uncle, cousin. they were someone's family. Like my mom says, treat family better than friends because who will be standing over your grave no matter what? Your family.  
Shikamaru: that's deep….and long.  
Tobi: it's the lecture I get when I hit my brothers for being jerk-wads.  
Shikamaru: okay….. I'm not going to ask.  
Asagi: don't, then she'll have to tell you about The Crazies.  
Tobi: nah, people don't need to know about them.  
Ronan: good  
Then every one started walking for their second day in traveling to Suna. Every one walked in silence for about two hours then suddenly Tobi look up with a look of realization on her face.  
Tobi: fast food places are prostitutes.  
Ronan: What Tobi?  
Tobi: have you ever thought of how the commercials sound?  
Asagi: no Tobi.  
Tobi: subway: 5 dollar foot long. McDonalds: mmmm I'm loving it. McKinley Mac from the McDonalds in Alaska: because everything's big in Alaska. Hello?! Any one else notice that?  
Ronan: Tobi, no one thinks like that.  
Tobi: Hentaisha does.  
Ronan: who's Hentaisha?  
Tobi: a pervert in one of my classes.  
Asagi: okay…..  
Tobi: the horrors of him talking to me…..shivers


	5. Chapter 5: The Mission IV

Chapter 5

The mission part IV

Today I am writing in paragraphs! Woot new style! YAY!!  
Anyway, on to story.

Tobi was staring at the ground with a look of horror plastered to her face, and every one was looking at her like she was crazy. "The horrors," she kept repeating.  
SMACK! Tobi had slapped her self across the face "PULL YOURSELF TOGETYER!" she yelled. "But I don't want to," she said in a smaller weaker voice. "DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO LOOK AT YOU LIKE YOU"RE A WIMP?" it was like she had two personalities that were battling each other. "No ma'am" "THEN STOP ACTING LIKE A SNIVLEING BABY!" "Yes ma'am" "I CANT HEAR YOU!" "YES MA'AM"  
Every one except her old team looked at her with looks of confusion on their faces.  
She looked up. "What," she questioned  
"What was that," Sasuke asked startled.  
Tobi replied, "I needed to give myself a pep talk."  
"Tobi, they're not used to have some one yell at themselves," Asagi pointed out  
"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh," Tobi said with realization. "I'll keep it strictly internal then."  
'Is that possible," Ronan questioned.  
"Yes, it's just not as affective," Tobi told her. "Sometimes I win, other times, my imaginary friend Soozoo wins, and there are a lot of distractions in my head."  
"He, he, you're a freak aren't you," Naruto said pointing and laughing.  
"That, that hurt Naru-kun," Tobi stuttered, "especially since you know what its like to be discriminated by other people because of something that's not your fault. I am actually pretty normal when I haven't had any sugar, so to prove it to you I won't have any sugar tomorrow."  
"Tobi, are you okay," Asagi asked. "You not having sugar might not be a good idea."  
"I'll have sugar, I just won't be hyper."  
"That's a big challenge for you Tobi, are you sure you can handle it?" Ronan. Looked at her with a serious look on her face.  
"I can handle it don't worry about me," Tobi said like she was about to go into a haunted house full of ghost. "Awwwwwwwwwwwww, shizlenit. I forgot my chocolate stash. That really, really sucks. Now it's all going to melt, or worst case senearo my brothers will eat it and rub it my face. Although where I hid it, no one shall find it…..oooooooooooooooooooor; I'll just summon it and devour it before tomorrow……ya I think I'll do that." Tobi was now talking to herself more than to anyone else.  
She suddenly started to perform hand seals faster than any one could register them. After about 15 seconds and 30 hand seals she suddenly yelled something really ultra fast and in a cloud of smoke appeared a giant box full of chocolate bars and any chocolate products except chocolate milk. "YES! My brothers didn't find my chocolate."  
back at Tobi's house  
Tobi's brothers were sitting in her room drooling over a giant box of chocolate that their sister had hidden in her closet.  
"Finally," the older one, named Kedakai, looked at the chocolate like it was a first prize trophy. "She left it right out in the open, no protection."  
"Oniisan," the younger one, named Nibai, said. "Don't you think its wrong to steal ane's chocolate?"  
"No, Ni you have a lot to learn," Kedakai spoke as if he was the most nolagable person around. "Otooto, you have lots to learn"  
All of a sudden the chocolate disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Fuck, she summoned it. Dammit we were soooo close too  
"Oniisan, it's not good to swear. If okaasan found out, you'll get a mouth full of soap."  
"What ever."  
back with Tobi  
Tobi started finding spare places to hide her chocolate so that she wouldn't eat it tomorrow.  
By the time she was done it was time to set up camp.  
Tobi yawned loudly and then laid down on the forest floor and fell straight to sleep. Naruto was about to wake her up when Warai suddenly shouted at him "NO DON'T WAKE HER UP! IT'S THE FIRST TIM SINCE SHE WAS 3 THAT SHE FELL ASLEEP WITH OUT TOSSING AND TURNING!" Tobi started to stir, "shit," Warai whispered, every one stood stalk still. Tobi rolled over and muttered something about evil pancakes.  
While Tobi slept every one just set up the camp around her and every one went to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6: The Mission V

Chapter 6

The mission part V

Okay back to original style

When Tobi woke up every one was bustling about trying to clean up the camp site.  
Tobi: why didn't anyone wake me up so I could help?  
Asagi: Warai wouldn't let any one.  
Tobi: oh, okay.  
Tobi got up and started to walk.  
Tobi: ow ow ow ow ow. Well and that prophetic, we got about a week before something goes wrong.  
Naruto: and how do you know that?  
Tobi: I cant walk.  
Naruto: why not?  
Tobi: well when ever somethings going to go wrong, my knees start to hurt to the point of where I cant walk, its very annoying.  
Naruto: ya right, I bet you're just faking it so you don't have to walk.  
Tobi: no I can walk, it just hurts lyke fucking hell, that all.  
Naruto: okay…..  
Tobi: fuck, I cant have any fucking sugar because if I do then I cant show you that I can be normal. Dammit. To day is my non-fucking hyper day.  
Asagi: Tobi cut back on the swearing.  
Tobi: I don't fucking want to.  
Ronan: you like the word fuck don't you Tobi.  
Tobi: ya too bad I cant be hyper  
Sasuke: ya too bad. Maybe I wont be and avenger one of these days.  
Tobi: all you have to do is kill your bro, I have to survive a whole day with out being hyper. Lets see who wins.  
Sasuke: it will take me years to get the power I need to kill…hey wait a minute how did you know I had to kill itachi?  
Tobi: woah, I was right? No waaaaaaaaaaaaay.  
Sasuke: you guessed?  
Tobi: well duh, I don't know anything about you besides your name.  
Sasuke: and she still manages to be an annoying little bitch.  
Tobi: one I am not a dog, two I didn't know I was annoying, and 3: I had a three but I forgot, so if ya'll want me to do something ya better be nice about it because I sooooooo am not in the mood for joking around.  
Every one looked at Tobi's usuly wide curiouse eyes, that where now sleep deprived looking and glaring at any one she could find who made eye contact.  
Naruto whispering to Sasuke: I don't think it was a good idea to dare her not to be hyper.  
Sasuke: you think, now she's looking at us like she wants to kill us.  
Tobi: I heard that.  
A kunai flew past sasuke's head just a few milimeaters off  
Tobi: be thankfull I missed, on purpouse.  
Sasuke was now staring at Tobi with no emotion in he eyes.  
Sasuke: you want to make a fight out of it, huh, whore.  
Tobi turned around slowly, one of her eyes twitching.  
Tobi: what did you call me?  
Sasuke: you heard me.  
Tobi: why I-  
Asagi and Ronan then restrained tobis arms and covered her mouth, checking every now and then if she had stopped cussing but it sounded kinda like this  
Tobi: mash-mmmm-brain-mmm-box-mmmm-potato salad-mmmmm-made-mmmm-your toes-mmmmm-.uncles 3rd wife's-mmmm-dick-mmmmm-fuck tard-mmmmm...  
Asagi: Tobi are you done?  
Tobi: mmmm mmmm  
Asagi: what  
Tobi nodded her head  
Asagi: your done now, promis you wont cuss out Sasuke?  
Tobi: mmm mmm  
Asagi: what?  
Tobi nodded her head again  
Asagi: okay.  
When Tobi's mouth was free she glared at Sasuke like he was a stuburn piece of floor in her bedroom that wouldn't get coverd by trash  
Naruto: Sasuke, I don't think she's happy with you.  
Sasuke: good, that means shes not a fangirl.  
Tobi: of cours im not one of you mother fuking stupid fangirls, why the hell would I be?! Hmmm? All I see that you are are a gay fucktard that no one wants to fu-mmmmmm hmmmm hm mhhhh  
Tobi was now thrashing around as Ronan Warai and Asagi restrained Tobi so she didn't murder Sasuke  
Asagi: Tobi I thought you were done.  
Tobi: mmmmmm mmmmmm mmmm m m  
Ronan started lauging at the fury in Tobi's eyes. Tobi then turned slowly Ronan with "death be to you" written all over her face. Ronan just laughed harder as the dark haired kunoichi glared at her though her thick eyelashes so no one could see her eyes  
Through the rest of the day Tobi was bound and carried in order to save sasuke's life.  
There was always a faint mumbling coming from her as she glared at any one who looked her in the eyes. Kiba faintly thougt he heard her say "stupid mofo don't know who I fuking am" and he started snickering walked up to Tobi and started talking to her.  
Kiba: Tobi we all know who you are.  
Tobi (or atleast hats who we think it is) started going into a frenzy trying to get the duct tape off her face so she could speak, but all that came out was  
Tobi: mmmm mmmm m m mmmmmm mmmmmmmm mmmm m mmmm mmmmmmm.  
But kiba heard what she was realy trying to say  
Tobi: my name isn't fucking Tobi my fucking name is fucking Chaos. You mother fucking mutt.  
Kiba was completely taken aback by the comment and when he stopped dead in his tracks Ronan truned around and asked,  
Ronan: whats wrong?  
Kiba: she she just called herself chaos?  
Ronan: ah shit.  
Asagi: what?  
Tobi was still yelling in the muffled way.  
Ronan: according to him jesters to kiba Tobi has just called herself chaos.  
Asagi: well that aint good. Warai, you need to talk to Tobi and get her to calm down, or just knock her out.  
Warai: lets try tal-  
Ronan just went and knoked Tobi out.  
Ronan: hey if we take less time, she has more time to fight chaos and then we can find her chocolate and waffles feed them to her and get her back to normal.  
Kiba: okay…..i don't get it?  
Ronan: Tobi has certant mental issues when it comes to not having sugar, or getting called a fangirl, or event the slightest hint of being suspected a fangirl, sets her off and her imagination, who kindly named herself chaos, takes over and it is imposible to stop her.  
Kiba: oh, so its kind of like she has a demon insider her, right?  
Asagi: nah, its just her imagination, who sometime can get very, very violent.  
they were starting to aproch the suna villages. Tobi was still knocked out.  
When they reached the gates they were greeted by 3 ninjas, a blond girl, a guy in face paint, and a red head with a gourd on his back.  
Tobi started to stir.  
Tobi: duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude what happened.  
Ronan: well you got up Sasuke pissed you off, you turned into chaos and nearly murderd Sasuke.  
Tobi: oh hey sorry dude, didn't know.  
Sasuke: well she's back to normal.  
Tobi: can I be untied now?  
Asagi: sure  
Asagi unties Tobi.  
Girl: you look like you've been traveling all day. I will tell you the schedule for tomorrow and then show you to where you're staying. Any way, As you all know you were sent here to help set up for my birthday and that you were invited, which is probably what the hokage told you, but realy, you are just hear to party. We wanted you here early so we can get to know you. Any way, where you will be staying is right this way, oh and my name is Temari, and these are my brothers Kankuro points to guy with face paint and Gaara points to guy with gourd  
Temari led all the ninja to a house with enough rooms for every one to have their own room. Every one then claimed their rooms.  
Tobi: hey lets watch a movie.  
Every murmerd in agreement  
Tobi: which movie though?  
Every one picked out horror films.  
Tobi: no horror, I have enough trouble sleeping at night with out the nightmares. So how about something different.  
Warai: ummmm how about Scary Movie?  
Tobi: OKAY! Its not horror.  
They sat down and watched the entire scary movie series. And then went to bed


	7. Chapter 7: The Party

Chapter 7

The party

After a few days, the party started.  
Temari: okay peoples, welcome to my birthday bash. Hope you all have fun. Drinks are over there motions to wall behind her and tables are over there motions infront of her and you can dance or hang out. Have fun.  
Tobi: YAY!! PARTY!!  
Tobi makes a bee line for the surgar and grabbed a glass of punch and sat down at a table with her old team.  
Ronan: Tobi that's a lot of sugar…..  
Ronan starts to take away a brownie from Tobi's plate.  
Tobi: NO!! no touchy, my sugar.  
Tobi swats ronans hand.  
Ronan: okay okay okay, im going to go get some punch, any one else want some?  
Warai and Asagi raise their hands  
Ronan: okay.  
Tobi takes a sip of punch  
Tobi: mmmmmm  
Tobi downs the whole glass  
Tobi: giggling like an idiot this is good punch drunk slurr  
Warai: ……. Asagi, do you think Tobi is just really really hyper?  
Asagi: it could be possible, lets try the punch just to be sure.  
Ronan came back to Tobi heading to go get more punch, stumbling drunkly tward the table  
Ronan: whats wrong with Tobi?  
Asagi: the punch.  
Ronan: oh, okay.  
Ronan, Asagi and Warai all down the punch  
Ronan: naaaaaaaaaaaaaah, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.  
Every one was stumbling around like drunken idiots exept for temmari, gaara, and kankuro.  
Temari: kankuro what did you do to the punch?!  
Kankuro: …..nothing…..  
Gaara: he put vodka in it.  
Kankuro: GAARA! I thought you wouldn't tell.  
Gaara: well, I just said what type, I think it was obviouse that you put alchohol in the punch when that girl over there points at Tobi down one cup and cant walk straight.  
Tobi trips and falls  
Tobi: weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…….  
Tobi stumbles her way over to the table she was sitting at earlier.  
Tobi: drunken slurr I thinks some one put more than fruit in the punch.  
Ronan: slurr lyke duuuuuuuuuuuude, I swear I smell snow….  
Every one was talking with a slurr  
Asagi: I I don't hear it  
Warai: I dint know Tobi had a twin……  
Tobi: I do no waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…… sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet  
Ronan: hey Tobi, tell every one about your past.  
Tobi: hmmmm, that's a good storry. One min.  
Tobi takes off the jacket she was wearing to reveal a strapless tube top belly shirt. Tobi had scars all over her bodie some of them burns others from swords.  
Tobi: when I was lyke 2, my clan was killed by a some one who was trying to kill me because I was the only one in my clan for 100 generation to get the kekkei genkai , and lyke then I was lyke kidnapped by this white snake dude and he did experiments on my boddie because his was deteriorating and lyke he stabbed me a lot of times…..thats how I got this scar points to scar on stomac and this scar points to other scar on stomach…..  
The pointing to scars and explainging where they came from went on till some one asked about a long pale whit scar that trailed from her left sholder to her left hip in a very jagged line.  
Tobi: oh, that was from my first escape attempt, he ended up sliceing my back. It didn't really hurt till I noticed the blood and fainted, which is when ronan and Asagi found me. My past has never been verry nice, he tried to kidnap me again last year, and lyke it didn't work but he bit me so I bit him back, he tasted like rancid steak.  
All of a suddent Neji stumbles drunkenly up to Tobi  
Neji: lyke duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude, destiny has not been kind to you, but but but lyke your future is bright  
Tobi: niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice…..  
Then some one crashed through the wall and Tobi stumbled up to him  
Tobi: hey dude, pokes guy in chest you are crashing a party…. Not cool, unless you brought more punch…..heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, you know who you look lyke?  
Guy: no, who?  
Tobi: you look lyke a giant version of Sasuke…..you must be weasel-kun……  
Itachi: uh huh…… are you drunk  
Tobi: noooooooooooooooooooooooo, I just had a lot of punch…….i think its time to take a nap…..a nice loooooooooooooooong nap  
Tobi clasped at itachi's feet. Asagi attempted to walk up to the other guy, who was blue with gills, but ended up falling then crawling on her knees.  
Asagi: duuuuuuuuuuude, are you the easter bunny  
Ronan then walks/stumbles over  
Ronan: nooooooooooooo he has to be the tooth fairy…..  
By then Warai had joined them.  
Warai: naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, he has to be santa……..lyke the odd color twetaly gives it away…..  
Itachi: lets just take the girl we're supposed to take and get out of here…..  
Itachi was holding Tobi  
Asagi: hey lyke if you take Tobi you have to take us too  
Warai: ya…..but lyke it would be better if you waited till we're lyke passed out or something because being kidnapped when awake is not fun  
Right then all three clasped…  
Kisame: might as well.  
They picked up the rest of Tobi's old team ad walked off


	8. Chapter 8: Santa and his Magical House

Chapter 8

Santa and His Magical Ginger Bread House

When Tobi woke up she was staring at the branches woshing past her over head.  
Tobi's thoughts: ugh I feel like im going to-  
Tobi turns her head to the side and vomits all over her left sholder and the person carring her.  
Guy: Gross  
The guy stops and dropps Tobi, she lands hard on the ground. She looks to her side to see itachi standing next to her with vomit all over him.  
Kisame then walks up to itachi.  
Kisame: ha ha you got vomited on itach!  
Itachi: shut up kisame.  
Tobi looks at kisame.  
Tobi: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! ITS SANTA CLAUS!!  
Ronan and Asagi walk up to Tobi  
Ronan: Tobi, are you still drunk.  
Tobi: nah, but its SANTA!!  
Asagi: Tobi, he's not santa, hes the tooth fairy.  
Tobi: he could be both?  
Asagi: YOU'RE RIGHT!! He the tooth fairy and santa clause  
Ronan and Warai make eye contact.  
Ronan: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight  
Tobi: SHUN THE NON BELIVERS!!  
Tobi and Asagi start dancing around Warai and ronan.  
Tobi and Asagi: shun shun shun shun  
Kisame: I AM NOT THE TOOTH FAIRY AND I AM NOT STANTA CLAUSE!!  
Tobi: then you're the easter bunny, wait no. you cant be the easter bunny because he's the easter bunny points to itachi  
Itachi: I AM NOT THE EASTER BUNNY!  
Tobi: are you sure?  
Itachi: YES I'M SURE!!  
Tobi: well then who delivers the easter baskets and gives us presents, and buys our teeth?  
Itachi: not me  
Kisame: not me  
Tobi: well we'll find out later, wont we Asagi!  
Asagi: Right!  
Tobi and Asagi link arms and start skipping while singing "follow the yellow brick road" which was ironic because they were always following a yello brick road.  
Warai: ronan, I think you gave Tobi brain damage when you knocked her out the first time.  
Ronan: nah, her head is harder than a rock, she's always like that.  
Warai mumbled something to himself  
Ronan: wat?  
Warai: nothing.  
Ronan: did you just say "not when were alone"?  
Warai: she's a different person when its just us….  
Ronan: well when its just you, your toung has her mouth quite occupied.  
Warai blushes a deep crimson.  
Warai: Warai, you don't know that….  
Ronan: the hell I don't, remember the last time you two played 7 minutes in heaven?  
Warai: ya blushes but we didn't go too far….  
Ronan: true, you guys did keep all your clothes on, but you didn't even noticed we opened the door until some one sprayed you with a hose.  
Warai:……. Shut up  
Warai was blushing really bad now, then all of a sudent Tobi and Asagi stop in front of a brick house.  
Tobi: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! Its made out of ginger bread!  
Tobi was jumping up and down pointing at the brick house.  
Asagi: YOU'RE RIGHT!! Lets eat it!  
Tobi: OKAY!!  
Tobi and Asagi run up to the house and start eating the corners.  
Tobi: THE DOOR IS MADE OF LOOLIE POPS!!  
Tobi starts licking the door then takes a bit out of the solid metal. Hidan hears all the noise and goes to open the door finding it gone.  
Hidan: where the fucking hell did the fucking door go?!  
Itachi points to Tobi, who was eating  
Tobi notices hidan and runs and huggs him.  
Tobi: SANTA!!  
Hidan: what the fuck….. some one get this bitch off me!  
Asagi then notices hidan too and does the same thing Tobi did  
Asagi: SANTA!!  
Kakazu comes to inspect all the noise too, but ends up getting attacked by Tobi and Asagi.  
Tobi and Asagi: IT'S THE EASTER BUNNY!!  
Kakazu notices that half of the house has been eaten  
Kakazu: WHAT HAPPENED TO HEAD QUARTERS!!  
Again itachi points to the two girls attached to kakazu's waist. Right then deidara walks up.  
Deidara: ummmmmmmm notices kakazu am I interrupting things?  
Tobi then notice him and run and hug him too.  
Tobi: ASAGI! IT'S THE TOOTH FAIRY!!  
Asagi: YOU'RE RIGHT!!  
Asagi hugs deidara  
Tobi: mr. tooth fairy, what do you do with all the teeth?  
Itachi: you're not going to let her call you the tooth fairy, are you?  
Deidara: she called me MISTER tooth fairy, I don't give a shit if she called me the easter bunny, she called me mr. tooth fairy!!  
Itachi walks up  
Itachi: kakazu is the easter bunny, hidan is santa claus  
Deidara started snickering as itachi and kisame walked into the Akatsuki HQ. Tobi and Asagi were dancing around hidan, kakazu, and deidara. Hidan was mostly yelling cuss words at them while kakazu was crying at the damage Tobi and Asagi inficted and how much it would cost to repair it, and deidara was ecstatic that Tobi had called him mister.  
Ronan then walks up and knocks Tobi and Asagi out. And apologizes to hidan and kakazu. Then apologizes to deidara  
Ronan: sorry about Tobi, she has a massive hangover….  
Deidara: that explains a lot……but its okay, it nothing but the usual.  
Ronan: oh, well sorry about the house….  
Deidara: that might be a problem……..ah kakazu will find a way to fix it.  
Where the corners had been, where giant gaping holes large enough for a 300 pound 6 feet tall man to walk through…..although no body knew how Tobi got that high, considering she was about 4' 11" her self……  
Ronan: well I better go….i'll see you around.  
Ronan picked up Asagi and motiond for Warai to pick up Tobi, which he did, and they all walked through the door.  
About half way down the hall way, they ran into konan.  
Konan: pein would like to see you all.  
She gave a questioning look at Tobi and Asagi.  
Ronan: don't ask.  
Konan: probably for the best….  
Konan led them down a long hallway then to the left, then to the right until they came to two larg mahogany doors. She opend the doors and led them inside. After they walked through the doors, konan motioned for Warai and ronan to sit down, which they did after laying Tobi and Asagi down carfully. Then a aburn haired man stepped out of the shadows.  
Pein: okay so where is Tobi?  
Ronan: passed out….why?  
Pein: because there is stuff I need to discuss with her. So will you please wake her up?  
Ronan: no! you fucking kidnapped us while we were drunk! And whe don't know what any of your names are…. But what the fucking hell do you want with Tobi?  
Pein: has she ever told you of her past?  
Ronan truned wite (no one remembers anything from the night before.)  
Ronan: Warai take Asagi and find some where where she can sleep.  
Warai pickes up Asagi and exits the room.  
Ronan: what does Tobi's past have to do with anything?  
Pein: oh it has to do with everything.  
Just then Tobi stirs, she sits up then vomits all over the floor and looks at the chunks of door and wall  
Tobi: hmmmmmmm, never having punch again…..  
Tobi then looks at pein  
Tobi: oh hey ojisan…..


	9. Chapter 9: PEIN HAS A NEICE!

Chapter 9

PEIN HAS A NEICE!!

Ronan looks at Tobi with "what the fuck" written all over her face.  
Tobi: what? He is my uncle.  
Pein: not to mention your legal guardian.  
Tobi: which reminds me, it was a good idea you where training my brothers that day, when my clan was killed, and my sister moved out, other wise they would be dead.  
Ronan looks at Tobi again  
Ronan: why did he have to kidnap us?  
Tobi looks at Pein  
Tobi: ya, why did you have to kidnap us?  
Pein: Orochimaru is looking for you.  
Tobi: aw fucking shit.  
Pein: watch your mouth! Plus we still need to test your fighting skills this month.  
Tobi: YES! Who do I fight this time?  
Pein: well you've defeated Deidara, Sasori, Tobi, Kisame, Konan, soooooooooooooooo you're fighting Itachi.  
Tobi: AWSOME! When?  
Pein: does now work for you?  
Tobi: of course.  
Pein: okay then  
Pein called every one to a training field  
Pein: you all know my niece, and if you don't this is my niece jesters to Tobi Tobi  
Boy Tobi: HI TOBI-CHAN waves  
Girl Tobi: HI TOBI-KUN waves back  
Pein: okay so today's fight is between Itachi and Tobi, no weapons just jutsu.  
Girl Tobi: AWWWWWWWWWW  
Tobi starts unloading all her weapons, which took about 20 minutes, and Itachi just got rid of his sword and some kunai.  
Pein: okay START!  
Itachi: MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!  
Itachi and Tobi make eye contact and Tobi jumps and performs hand seals fast and three other Tobis appear.  
Itachi punches a Tobi and she disappears in a puff of smoke, he punches two more Tobis and they disappear.  
Tobi then attacks head on and land a punch in Itachi's stomach, knocking the wind out of him. That Itachi disappeared in a puff of smoke as the other flies out of the shadows to Tobi's left. Just as Itachi is about to hit her she does a back flip and he runs right past her. He makes a sharp turn, and performs hand seals and sends fire balls at Tobi, who catches them and molds them together into one big fire ball and turns it a bright blue and sends it back at Itachi. He dodges it, but barely and it flies past hi head and consumes the tree behind him in seconds, reducing it to ashes. Itachi then attacked straight on.  
Itachi: stop going easy on me. I know what you can do.  
Tobi: I'll stop going easy on you when you stop going easy on me.  
Deidara started snickering at that  
Tobi looks at Deidara with a questioning look on her face.  
Tobi: what…. Oh gross! Ewwwwwwwwwww!! No!! Wrong!! Gah!! Nooooooooooo!!  
That gave Itachi the opening he needed to shove a needle into Tobi's arm.  
Tobi's discussed look turned to one of horror in minutes she was frozen, she started blinking her eyes, like there was something horrible happening in front of her eyes. Her hand flew up protecting her face while she screamed  
Tobi: NO!!  
Then she started whimpering  
Tobi: no please no, don't….. I…kill me instead…….  
Tobi then let a blood curdling scream tear loose from her throat. Every one's hands, including Itachi's, flew up to cover their ears. Ronan took the syringe out of her arm and jabbed another into her arm.  
Tobi's eyes where clenched shut and when she opened them anger blazing in them  
Tobi: you bastard….making me relive the worst part ever in my life! Having to hear my family's screams over and over as they were slowly killed off one by one! Bleeding to death! Burning to death! You have no idea what its like to have your family killed, just to torture you.  
Tobi was surrounding her self in blazing chakara, and her foot steps where literally burning. She slowly walked up to Itachi.  
Tobi: you mother fucking bastard!  
As she said that she kicked Itachi in the balls. His eyes widened in pain and he dropped to his knees holding his balls.  
Tobi kept kicking him, with more power than she usually would be. You could hear his bones snapping each time she kicked.  
After Itachi passed out from the pain, Tobi fell to her knees and nearly broke down crying. After about five minutes she got back up with her usually smiling face impassive, but you could see the pain in her eyes. She started walking back to her bedroom. Warai tried to follow, but Ronan restrained him.  
Ronan: just leave her alone.  
Warai but…  
Ronan: it wont do any good if your there, wait about five minutes.  
Tobi was inside the house now and all alone, she started letting the tears fall silently down her face.  
Tobi: mom, I wish you where here. I miss you.  
Tobi walked to her room where she then fully broke down crying. She sat down in front of her bedroom door and just cried. After about two minutes, there was a knock at the door.  
Tobi's answer came out muffled because she was hiding her head in her knees.  
Tobi: who is it?  
??: it's me, Warai.  
Tobi moved out of the way of the door.  
Tobi: come in.  
Warai slowly opened the door and walked in.  
Tobi ran to him and hugged him around the waist crying into his chest. Warai held her and walked her to her bed.  
Warai: shhhhh, its okay Tobi. No ones going to hurt you.  
Warai and Tobi laid down and Warai let Tobi cry herself to sleep. When she was asleep Warai pulled a blanket over her and let her sleep.


	10. Chapter 10: The Nightmare

This is three weeks after Tobi's first fight with Itachi, the weapons fight was postponed till Tobi was better and not depressed. Any way, this chapter is in paragraphs too. I know, a shocker. And it will be really really long

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~Tobi's POV~

I was back at my house in the little village that me and my siblings used to live in. the small four bedroom house. It was the day after my sister ran away.

I watched as I saw myself enter my bedroom, I was 5 again. The wonderful year of innocence. The younger me didn't notice me, she went straight to a Barbie doll that my sister Cho had given me right before she ran away, and started playing with it.

The younger me was humming; it was a song my mom used to sing all the time when I was that age. I softly sang along.

_You are my sunshine_

_My only sunshine_

_You keep me happy_

_When skis are grey_

_You'll never know dear_

_How much I love you_

_If you take my sunshine away._

_Knock, Knock, Knock._ I knew that knock, and I started panicking as the younger me said in the high voice that I used to have "Come in." Then the teen Orochimaru and his assistant Kabuto, walked through the door.

"Excuse me, but you must be Konton." Hearing the name I was given at birth brought back loads of memories, "Your mother told me to come and get you so you could help her entertain us." He walked over to the younger me and reached out his hand.

I started shouting warnings at her but she didn't hear me, she grabbed his hand smiling "Okay, mister." He led her out the door, and I followed.

Instead of walking into the living room, he led me out the front door and into the middle of the clan compound. Every one I ever knew at that age was standing around with looks of fear on their faces. I looked confused, until one my cousin Osanago yelled "Run Koko, Run!" I watched as I tried to run not able to do anything, but I was caught by the teen.

"I cant Osa, he wont let me!" The younger me struggled against the arms of the older teen.

Just then, he stepped out, he looked the younger me over with cold yellow eyes. There was nothing but fear on the five year olds face. "Hmmmmmmmmm, how interesting………" I had no idea what he was talking about, neither when I was that old nor now. "We'll just have to coax her out of the shell now wont we?" He walked over to my cousin, Osanago, and stabbed her through the stomach. She turned pale as she slowly bled to death. Then he went over to her brother and used some sort of fire jutsu on him, and he slowly burned to death.

As he approached my mother with a long dull sword, I screamed. I had no recollection of this because I blacked out, but I watched as a red hourglass in a white diamond in a black square appeared on my fore head, only I noticed because it was me and I saw it through the hair that always hung down over my face. The younger me hung her head down, as if in sorrow, but a few seconds after he stabbed my mother, the teen restraining her was engulfed by bright blue flames. Said flames engulfed the tiny body that was once my own as she walked over to my family with a sorrowful face and said, "I'm sorry, but it is better to die quick and painless at my hands then to be tortured before you die at his." With that I watched as a large tsunami came out of the ground with crushing force that killed all my family. There was nothing little and immature about this girl now, as she took a fighting stance and looked at Orochimaru. "You didn't come here just to make me kill all my family now did you? You came here for something else."

"You're right little girl, I didn't come here just to make you kill your family, although that was useful, but now that it seems you're ready to fight me, I guess I have to use something that I reserved only if you got out of hand." I felt, and watched, a thin katana get shoved through my stomach from behind.

The younger me looked down and smiled, "Good planning." We both fell to our knees at the same time, but right as my head was about to hit the floor I woke up with a jolt.

I lifted the hem of the baggy shirt I was wearing to look at a scar that I had always had but never knew how it got there. It was still there, in the middle of my stomach. Paler than my skin, which was saying something.

"I'm sorry you had to see that…" my imagination, Chaos, said to me sorrowfully.

"Who was that?" I asked, though I knew the answer, I didn't want to believe it.

"_That _was you." She replied. "I hid that away from you and made you think that Orochimaru killed your clan, because at that age, you wouldn't be able to handle the information."

"But why do you show it to me now?"

"Because you need to know. You can't go around hating yourself for it; you did it so your family wouldn't have to suffer. You knew that Orochimaru wouldn't just take you and leave your family alive, he would have killed them any way, made them suffer, tortured them. You let them have a quick peaceful death."

I started crying. The song my mother used to sing when I was young was going through my head. I felt a warm body next to me when they woke up to the sound of my sobbing. "Tobi, what happened? What's wrong?

Warai was lying next to me that made me feel better. I turned and sobbed into his chest. He held me tight and tried to soothe me, but right then nothing would soothe me. I killed my mom, my dad, my cousins….if my brothers and sisters had been there I would have killed them too.

I stopped crying and just sat there being held by Warai. I was in the fetal position and my legs were starting to ach, but I just sat there.

After a five minute silence, Warai spoke, "You must be uncomfortable." I shook my head like a disobedient child.

He laughed, "You're uncomfortable I know." He turned me around and straightened out my legs. It was better. He held me closer to him. "You know, I will always be here for you, right?" I nodded, and snuggled closer to him. "You act like your dead, you know that. Like some one took the hyper, happy, wonderful girl I was going out with and killed her. I want you back, not your shell, I want you! I want to help you be happy, but I cant if I don't know what's wrong."

"You'll hate me if I told you." I was just whispering. I was surprised he could hear me to respond.

"I could never hate you." With that he turned me around and kissed me passionately. "I'm with you no matter what."

"Do you really want to know?" I looked him straight in the eyes, I noticed how much they looked like Hershey's chocolate right then, and I zoned out. I jumped when he answered

"Yes, I want to help."

"I just found out that Orochimaru didn't kill my clan, but I did."

I waited for him to respond. After 78 seconds, he replied. "At least they went painlessly."

I looked up and saw he was smiling softly, "Your not repulsed?" I asked.

"I said I was with you no matter what, right?" He kissed me again, but this time it didn't end so soon….

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock and remember what had happened during the night. I looked over to see that Warai was still asleep, I smiled. He looked so peaceful. The only thing I didn't like about him sleeping was that I couldn't see his eyes. But he looked so angelic.

I was knocked out of my reverie by a soft tapping at my door. I turned to face it, "Come in." I sang softly.

My friend Ronan stepped in, "Morning to-…!!!" She stopped short as she noticed all the clothes on the floor, "What the fucking hell did you two do?!?!" She yelled.

"Shhhhhhhhh!" I shushed her before she woke up Warai, or alerted my uncle. "Do you want me to die?!"

"But you and him……..duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude…..!"

"You're going to wake him up!" I looked over at Warai but it was too late, his chocolate brown eyes where open and staring at Ronan.

"What are you doing in here?" He demanded.

"Hey, I thought all you did was sleep in the same bed as her to keep her from waking up and killing herself, I didn't know you fucked her!" Ronan's eyes kept switching back and forth between me and Warai, and then they flickered down to his abbs. "Duuuuuuuuuuuuude…..now I know why you like him Tobi….."

I blushed at that comment, when Asagi walked through the door shouting "Are you awake to-…..HOLY SHIT! MY EYES! I DID NOT WANT TO SEE THAT MUCH!" Asagi covered her eyes and started wandering around the room blindly.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!" I shushed again, "My uncle will kill me if he found out!"

Warai blushed and mumbled something about having to take a shower. He wrapped the sheet around himself and walked to the nearest bathroom.

As soon as every one heard the water turn on, Asagi and Ronan started asking me questions like they were my parents or something. "Guys we're not stupid, and I can't get pregnant." I said to them, not wanting to hear any more uncomfortable questions.

"Why not?" Asagi asked.

"It's obvious," Ronan answered for me, "She's taken to many injuries to the stomach."

"Oooooooooooh…..that's sad." Asagi looked down in sorrow.

Ronan and I just stared in silence at her waiting for an explanation, but we didn't get any.

Warai walked out in a towel then looked at Ronan and Asagi, "May you guys please get out?"

"Why?" Asagi looked questioningly at Warai then said, "Oh."

Ronan and Asagi both exited the room. Warai walked over to me, "Morning, babe."

"You've never called me babe before." I looked at him wondering what was up.

"There's a first for every thing." he replied while kissing me softly on the lips.

"Like last night." I winked at him and he smiled mischievously.

"You might want to take a shower." He looked me over, I turned my head and looked in my closet mirror.

My hair was a mess and I had 2 hickeys on my neck. "This is going to be fun to keep from ojisan." I whispered.

"Who said you had to keep it from him?"

"Do you want to die?" my uncle had never lost a battle.

"I can protect my self."

"Not against him." I was not going to let my boyfriend fight my uncle. Never.

"You don't own any turtle necks." he reminded me.

"Fine you win." I looked down and put on my best puppy dog face.

He looked at my face then laughed, "Go take a shower."

"Not unless you come with me." I was going to be stubborn about it.

"Only if you want me to." He picked me up and carried me over to the shower.

Two wonderful, lovely hours later, we both walked out of the bathroom. I walked to my closet and grabbed some clothes and started getting dressed. Warai did the same thing, except he had clothes in a bag on the floor near the door. My outfit was very normal and consisted of dark blue jeans, a black lacy tank top, and a blood red long sleeved shirt. I put on a black vest over it. It had become very cold with out Warai, holding me. I was brushing my wet hair into my signature pony tail that I always wore, when Warai walked up behind me and started brushing my hair so it was down.

"You could leave your hair down for once." He said while combing his fingers through my hair.

"But I like it up." I stated turning around and looking into his eyes again, while hugging his waist.

"C'mon, leave it down, just for today?" He put on puppy dog eyes, and I just couldn't resist.

"Fine," I said submitting, "Have it your way." I shook my head and water flew all around us, and just floated their, then spread out and made a thin bubble around us… the bubble then formed into a heart.

He smiled and kissed me again, "You're back to normal, right?" he asked seriously concerned.

"Yep, and there is nothing you can do about it." I stuck my tongue playfully and he smiled, I gave him a big grin.

"Good." He tapped me on the nose, and we walked out of my bedroom hand in hand.

We arrived in the living room and saw Deidara and Ronan snuggled up on the couch watching some bloody movie full of explosions. I signaled to Warai to be silent, and I snuck up behind them. I hid behind the couch and when Deidara went to kiss Ronan I jumped up and yelled "PEDIPHILE!!"

They both jumped and ended up kissing any way. "My work here is done." I pretended to dust my hands off while smiling.

Deidara started yelling at me about being annoying but I didn't listen, Ronan jumped up and hugged me shouting, "SHE'S BACK SHE'S BACK SHE'S BACK!"

"IT BURNS!!!" I said a little mellow dramatic, but she just hugged me tighter.

"What do you mean she's back? I was enjoying the silence." Deidara looked at me with sad little puppy eyes.

"Don't cry to me, she's your girlfriend," I said pointing to Ronan.

Ronan blushed, "No I'm not."

"Dude, you guys were just about to kiss." I said looking at them, they both blushed. "You are going out, aren't you?" I said suddenly excited. "How long, and how did it start?"

"What's the chance you'll just walk away, and leave this alone?" Asks Ronan, already knowing the answer.

"Hmmm….Slim to none. I'll keep it secret, like you guys were. I swear!" I looked at them with the biggest roundest eyes I could muster, with out creeping every one out.

"Fine, you know when you went all emo for a few weeks?" Ronan asked me.

"I would rather not talk about it." I said apologetically.

"Well on about the fourth day, he saw how depressed your depression was making me, and comforted me, and one thing let to another and we ended up-"

I cut her off, "YOU DIDN'T! DID YOU? YOU CAN'T HAVE! YOU'RE THE ROLE MODLE IN THIS GROUP!"

"Tobi, what ever perverted idea is going through your mind we (probably) didn't do it, if you let me finish the sentence was 'and we ended up going out,'"

"Oh," I let out a sigh, "That's good, cause then that means I'm the first one in this group of outcasts that-," Ronan covered my mouth not wanting me to say any more.

"TOBI! We do not need to hear what you and Warai did last night!"

"I wasn't going to tell any one that, I was going to say that I was the first to have a caffeine addiction."

Every one look at me like I was crazy, which maybe I was. I do talk to insane homicidal triplets that only I can hear and see, but we're getting off the subject. "I'm going to go eat breakfast, I'm starving."

"You haven't eaten for three weeks, of course you're hungry." Ronan pointed out. Every one just found out that instead of eating like a pig when I got depressed, I starved myself. It was mostly because I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat. But again we are getting off subject.

Itachi walked through the door of the living room, and tapped me on the shoulder. "Um, Tobi….leader-san says I need to say sorry to you and give you an apology smoothie."

He held out an "aloha pineapple" smoothie from jamba juice. "What additive did they put into it?" I asked secretly crossing my fingers for Green Caffeine.

"Um….green caffeine." I grabbed the smoothie and started drinking it, it was cold and made me shudder, but I drank it anyway. It hurt when the smoothie hit my empty stomach.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked while sucking on the straw to the smoothie.

"What ever you're cooking," replied Kisame, who had just walked in.

I stepped right up to him and dragged his head down so I could look him in the eye, with a stern voice and cold eyes I threatened him, "If you don't make me breakfast, I'll be cooking dinner, and I will be sure to get one of you're dear siblings and fillet` them and cook them in a stir-fry and force you to eat it!"

"Okay, I'll make you breakfast! What are you PMSing?"

"No, I just don't like it when people use my mom's catch phrases." it made me depressed and I had to either fake a smile and deal with it, or get people to shut up and never say it again. Usually I chose the ladder.

"Then we need a list of he catch phrases." Itachi looked really bored while he said that. He was the person I hung out most with, besides Warai, when I get depressed. Mostly because he doesn't talk, and he doesn't ask a lot of questions. He just sat there.

"I'll post them tonight, when I carve them on your skin weasel-kun!" I shouted after him as he and Kisame left to the kitchen. He just flipped me off. "Fuck you too!" I told him.

"Tobi no need for language like that." Warai was still holding my hand.

"What?" I put on an innocent look. Warai laughed again, "Lets go eat breakfast." I said a bit enthusiastically.

"You're back!" Ronan shouted again.

"Of course I'm back. I couldn't leave you all here with out me, now could I?" I was genuinely happy today.

"You have no idea what its like with out a hyper Tobi, it was scary. You could have like 80 cups of coffee, and all that would happen was your hand would start twitching, but your face….it just stayed on one emotion. It was scary." Ronan must have really missed it when I was hyper. But she would know about being depressed more than me, it was usually her in the emo corner.

"Don't ever do that to us again." Warai said exasperated, "Especially to me, I was lonely with out you."

"In many more ways than one." Ronan smirked a perverted mischievous smirk.

"Do I even want to know?" I looked between them.

"No you don't, but it involved his hand, a microwave grapefruit, and some butter." I really did not want to know.

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaay….I do not want to hear the details."

"Lets just go eat breakfast, you need your strength if your going to fight Itachi tonight." Warai said, blushing while trying to divert attention from him to food.

"Okay. I'm still starving."

My stomach growled again. "Time for food before you kill any one." Warai pulled me by the hand toward the kitchen.

"I'm really hungry." I said once we entered the kitchen. I was shoved into a chair as Kisame was finishing up making some sort of waffle batter like substance, "What you making?"

"Ummmmm," Kisame looked at the kitchen in general as he was trying to figure out what he's making, "Pancakes?"

"What type of pancakes?"

"Crapes."

"I'll eat those, because they don't look like pancake pancakes." Hidan then walks into the kitchen.

"What the hell is for breakfast? Oh hey Tobi." he noticed me, "Your, um, alive agai- what the fuck are those on your neck!!" he semi yelled.

"They're, um," I racked my brain for a decent lie to tell him, "They're bruises."

"Bull shit, that's a hickey and you know it," he smiled evilly, "I'm going to tell leader-sama! Maybe he'll let me sacrifice the heathen who deflowered you…." Hidan's voice trailed off.

~gosh, Hidan is a jackass~ I thought, "Hidan if you even touch him I will murder you," I said with a very serious look on my face.

"Like you could, I'm immortal, bitch."

"I know that, I've just always wondered what would happen if I cut your head off and burned your body," He looked at me as I said that.

"I've wondered that too, you want to go see what would happen?" Ronan asked the rest of the room.

"Ya! Any one want to come too?" I said as Ronan and I smile mischievously at him.


	11. Chapter 11: Hidan Marshmallow

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?! WHERE IN JASHIN'S HELL DID YOU THINK OF A SHITTY IDEA LIKE THIS?!?!?!" Hidan yells as Ronan, and I drag a now tied up Hidan to the training grounds. Ronan for some reason looked very happy as she held her very sharp katana over her shoulder.

"I WANNA LIGTH THE FIRE!!" I yell as Ronan holds her sword over Hidan's head, an evil grin on her face. Deidara hits his head with his hand.

"_Why _am I going out with a crazy emo girl?" Ronan growls at him, as I have a ball of flame in my hand.

"I HEARD THAT!" Ronan yells back to him.

"Because she'll kill you if you break up with her." I say with an oddly happy tone. Deidara suddenly has a horrified look, like he wanted to run away screaming like a 6 year old with pig tails, well, his hair was long enough for pigtails, and would probably look like a girl in a pink dress, but he would probably have to be drunk as hell before he consented to that, and maybe high too…..I would have to talk to Itachi about that…

"I'm not that mean!" I look at Ronan with an amused grin on my face, knowing she actually would.

"Your right, you would just beat him to a pulp until he wished he was dead." You could very easily see the twitch of Deidara's eye now as he contemplated suicide. Hidan was mostly glad the attention was off him and his decapitation.

"Just cut his head off already!" Kakuzu yelled from the background.

"What the fucking hell?! I fucking thought you were my damn partner you-" …….this portion of this fanfiction had to be removed because of mass amounts of cussing that would probably scar your mind permanently….

Everyone stares at Hidan in disbelief that one person could cuss that much in such a short time. Deidara passed out as his mind was too overloaded with inappropriate language. Kakuzu was the one with the twitch in his eye now, his ear drums almost completely obliterated.

Ronan grins as the light glints off of her sword, showing how sharp it was, almost godly sharp.

"And now…for the moment we've all been waiting for!" I say dramatically. Ronan holds her katana over his head dramatically and brings it down, cutting off Hidan's head…a still cussing head rolled over to my feet.

"Mother fucking bitch and your fucking sword-" Konan suddenly starts bursting out in laughter, falling over still laughing. We all (including the decapitated head) look over at her, like she was Crazy, or just on crack.

"…she got into my blue sharpie stash again…" Kisame says as he sighs.

"Ohhhhh, that's why you're blue!" Asagi says like she had an epiphany. (Konan still laughing)

"Is that why her hair is blue?" Ronan asks, finally understanding why everyone had very odd hair colors.

"So did Hidan get a good deal on silver sharpies or something?" Warai scoffs.

"…maybe." Hidan's decapitated head said as he looked very guilty about something.

"Did, you steal them Hidan?" boy Tobi asked.

"….no…."

"Good boy." boy Tobi said.

"I'm going to start a fire now….hey….." I walk over to Ronan and whispers something to her. She smiles evilly as I walked away and started the bonfire.

We both picked up Hidan's body and started singing

_Let the bodies hit the floor_

_Let the bodies hit the floor_

_Let the bodies hit the floor_

_Let the bodies hit the_

_-dramatic pause-_

_FLOOOOOOOOOOOR! _We yelled as we throw his body on the ground, I lit him with fire, and Ronan shoots electricity at him, and Hidan's head yells 'no' long and dramatically like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" And we smile evilly. Of course, all good things that involve Hidan marshmallows must come to an end… Pein bursts through the double doors, but of course walks into the metal bar between the doors, and we all suppress giggles, knowing we're going to get hell for this. Everyone could clearly see the vein in his head that was threatening to burst. Of course what we all thought was the most odd was the fact he was still in his bath robe…it was purple…

"What are you doing! Why the fuck is Hidan's body-"

I of course interrupt him, "I didn't know the training grounds had double doors!"

"I summoned those for dramatic effect,…but that's not the point!! Where the hell is Hidan's body?! And why do I smell bacon?" Ronan and I try to conceal the burning body behind us, and of course fail.

"NO COMPUTER FOR YOU!"

"What's a computer?"

"…..I have no idea, I've heard it on so many random soap operas."

"You watch soap operas?!" I laugh at him.

"You're grounded!!"

"WHAT?!"

…So of course Ronan and I get grounded, for, well, until we die, or get killed by a slightly charred Hidan.

I hold a walkie talkie in my hand, look to the sides of my room, and press the button, "Hi Ronan…" I whisper.

"Your uncle is an ass." She whispers back. I'm of sitting on my bed huggling my pillows because Warai isn't allowed in my room. Ronan is in the corner of her room, being emo once again, her walkie talkie in hand.

"I AM NOT AN ASS!" Pein yells from the other side of the akatsuki. We both have dumbfounded looks on her face, with absolutely no idea on how he knew what we where talking about, but he's kind of a ninja, so I'm sure he has some random 'listen to what the grounded teenagers are saying jutsu'.

"Everyone who thinks Pein is an ass, say 'I'!" Ronan yells and I smile mischievously….the entire rest of the akatsuki says I into the walkie talkies, and we're both silent for a second, wondering how the hell did they get walkie talkies?!

"Tobi, Ronan, come out into the living room for a second." Pein says into the walkie talkie, of course we're totally confused of how he has a walkie talkie, but oblige anyway. We both walk emoly into the living room, and immediately glomp our respective boyfriends. Warai attempts to kiss me on the forehead but I unexpectedly jerk my head up, making him kiss me on the mouth, this quickly turns into a full blown make out session.

"Ahem!" My uncle clears his throat, a baseball bat in his hand, with the word 'compassion' on the business end. _Tap tap ta_p t_ap. _At this point Ronan and Deidara are about as red as tomatoes. " Well, I have brought you here," He starts pacing around the room, thinking over and over that this was a _bad_ idea, but keep talking, "Because, well, I want you four to join the akatsuki, officially." We all stare at him like he's insane, which if he actually just suggested this idea, then he is.

"ARE YOU INSANE?!" Warai yells, even though he would become part of the akatsuki as well.

"You will do missions, and eventually not be grounded anymore, but once you aren't grounded, you're still part of the akatsuki." He keeps talking as he ignores Warai.

"I like this idea." Ronan says happily.

"We're not even- oh no wait, most of us came from different villages so everyone on my team is either jonin or higher….how the hell do we get to be s-class missing nin?" I asked my _dear_ uncle. "Are you fucking insane, I may be a ninja but I don't like killing. So how the fucking hell would I be an s-class missing nin?!?!" I yell at him.

"I don't have a problem with it," Ronan said as she raises her hand, " Watching the life slowly drain from their eyes as the color fades from their face as their blood pools on the floor beneath them, any glimmer of hope extinguishing-" Deidara had a kind of horrified look covering the sweet girly features of his face.

"What's up girly," I tease, "Do you not like the slow deaths of others?" I question him with a evil smirk on my face.

"No, un," he replies, "I much prefer the fast explosions of art, un. And I find it quite creepy that my girlfriend is…being….very morbid, its just creepy un."

"She's actually like that most of the time, along with hiding in corners with sharp objects-" I'm cut off by the murderous glare of Ronan.

"You can shut up now."

My grin grows wide, turning my attention back to Deidara, "Well then you wouldn't like the dear story about Steve," He looks at me questioningly as my grin gets wider and wider and I go into a very…graphic story about a guy named Steve, pulled up out of my imagination. "One day," I started, "There was a young boy, about 5, who's name was Steve. He was beaten by his father all the time. One day when he was ten, he finally snapped, taking a knife out of the kitchen and slowly sliding it into his fathers chest, turning it slowly clockwise, torturing him, yet not killing him yet-" I smile as I notice I have officially creeped him out again.

"I thought you said you didn't like killing people." He said.

"I don't," I reply, "I enjoy tourturing; just sometimes the people die in the process." I smile eerily.

"You really are my sister's daughter." Pein says, as though he wasn't sure about that before.

"I know." I smile a girly smile that looks reeeeeally creepy.

"Ahem, anyway, here are your akatsuki uniforms," Pein hands them to us, Ronan and I immediately put them on and glomp our boyfriends, "And here are your rings." Ronan's is black, Warai's is blue, Asagi's is orange, and mine is red. We glomp our boyfriends _again. _


	12. Chapter 12: Tomato plants & KoolAid

authors note: WARNING! WARNING! this is a very crack fanfic and contains pot, tequila, beer, pillows, bunnys, yaoi, hentai, and crack parings. you no likey you no read.

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I hate mornings, I fucking hate them, especially when I can't find the coffee. As I look around for a clue of as where the coffee grains disappeared to, I notice a trail of suspicious leaves going down the hall, I decide to go follow them, hoping they might know where the precious black gold is. I follow the trail, it leads past Deidara and Ronan snuggling on the couch, watching another horror film, and laughing at the victim's limbs getting cut off by random chain saw murderers.

"Mornin'." I mumble in their general direction.

"S'up?" Ronan asks, not even looking in my direction. I walk down the hall once again, following the mysterious trail of what looked kind of like tomato leaves, but I realize they weren't tomato leaves once I hear a, "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!" In the background. I enter a room filled with smoke, Warai, Itachi, and Kisame.

…half an hour later, Ronan and Deidara aren't on the couch anymore, Sasori's puppets are by themselves, Tobi isn't being a good boy, Hidan's bloody knives could be washed later, Kakuzu's money is safe enough, Konan needed a break from paperwork, Zetsu's garden could be tended to later, Asagi followed Tobi because of promises of 'tomato plants', Pein, well, Warai and I decided he needed to relax…and that's how the entire akatsuki became very, very high, and drunk, although we don't know who had the wine, sake, tequila, and beer, probably Itachi, or Kisame.

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude, I grew up in a pillow factory, and I had a bunny named fluffy McFluffenstine, and one day, "Warai starts to get teary, "I-I hugged a pillow, and-and, it bit me! There were like rats, and the factor had to get shut down, so I had to go to a ninja academy." I snuggle him again, so that's why he's so snuggly.

"I hate bunnies…Hey Deidara?" Ronan asks Deidara who is currently high out of his mind.

"What?"

"Want to go make out?"

"Sure." So Deidara and Ronan start to make out in the corner.

"I love pain." Hidan says mesmerized in his highness. Being totally drunk, and high still doesn't influence my perverted mind, so I still found that hilarious, so I start to burst out in laughter. Hidan looks at Pein, and Pein looks at Hidan.

"Wanna go make out?" Hidan asks Pein.

"Sure." So they go make out in the other corner.

Itachi starts wining about his life, and Sasori starts talking about how it couldn't be that bad, some how they started making out, and were pushed out of the room before anything more "interesting" things happened.

"WHO WANTS TO PLAY TRUTH OF DARE?!" I yell to everyone. People stop making out, and Warai drags in a very horny Itachi and Sasori. I eventually pry apart Deidara and Ronan, and drag them to the round coffee table.

"Tobi, you start." Ronan tells me, "Truth or dare?" She asks, probably just wanting to make out with Deidara more.

"Hmmmmmmmmm….." I pause, knowing this might not end well, "Dare!" I exclaim. The rest of them push me out of the room, and I hear lots of whispering of dares, until they drag me back into the room by the collar of my shirt.

"We dare you to give Warai a lap dance." I blink a couple of times before I notice Warai's smug expression.

I shrug and walk over to Warai, who's sitting prepared in a chair and start shaking my ass in front of his face. I swear I saw him drool a little, whether to being high or my ass shaking skills, I'll never know. I shook my hips and straddled his legs, feeling a very…….noticeable appearance of something I shall not name. About 5 seconds later he ended up kissing me and tearing my shirt off, and we were abruptly shoved out the door with calls "get a room" and "no let them stay, free porn" behind us. Well we eventually made it to a room but didn't get far enough to the bed.

---------------------------------------Ronan's point of view------------------------------------------

"Okay then, next." Says Itachi, sighing. "Deidara, your turn." Says Itachi. Deidara whispers something in my ear about not minding a lap dance.

"Dare." He says simply, a slightly mischievous grin on his girly face. We push him out the door, and start brain storming ideas along the lines of 'proving what gender he is' 'give Ronan a lap dance' 'make out with Itachi' (which was quickly murdered by a bat with kindness on it) 'show us what he really did with the mouths on his hands' 'how big his sword really was' (Kisame is really drunk) 'run around the base naked screaming "I'm a squirrel"' (Tobi decided to play) We finally decided on something, and we drag him back into the room, and I huggle him again.

"We dare you to prove what your gender actually is." Itachi says, I of course turns bright red, "And you might be a flat chested girl." Deidara stares at him for a few seconds.

"You're serious, aren't you?" Deidara asks as he realizes he actually is going to have to pull his pants down in front of everyone.

"You bet your ass bitch…or bastard, which ever you are." Asagi says to Deidara.

"Fine." I watch him pull down his pants and underwear, reviling he wore boxers with little pictures of bunnies on them. Also reviling something very….large. I think my face turned such a dark shade of red it turned purple.

I saw every one stare at him, when Itachi suddenly voiced, "You're more man than most of us, not cool." Itachi drooled a little, and I was hoping it was because he was high…..

"Yo," Asagi suddenly yelled at me, "It's your turn." Asagi said as she ever so_ gracefully_ pushed me though the door to the hall way. There're murmurs and whispers. I could care less what they were saying because the lingering image of what I just saw was left in my brain, so as they open the door to let me in, I jump three feet in the air when they said my name. I walked into the room to evilly smiling faces….very evilly smiling faces.

"We dare you to give Deidara a lap dance." I stare at Asagi with an expression that practically yelled, "Oh, hells no!".

"No." I say simply. They all smile evilly, except Deidara, who actually looked slightly disappointed.

"You realize what that means right?" Asagi says, even though I knew exactly what this means.

"Yes, I know, it means I switch to truth, and I can't go back." I say, almost immediately after I finish my sentence, I get thrown out the door by Asagi once again. This time there's a lot more whispering; I could almost see their mischievous smiles. After many minutes sitting outside I finally get dragged back inside by my shirt collar once again.

"So what village did you come from?" Asks Itachi, the questioner.

"…The village of thunder and wind." I finally answer; everyone looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Where the fuck is that?!" Hidan asks very rudely.

"It doesn't exist anymore you idiot; it was destroyed, and became part of the leaf village when the Uchiha clan killed what was left of my mine, and the village we inhabited." I explain, finding it quite amusing that no one could actually understand what I'm saying because they're too stoned.

"Alright Itachi, it's your turn!" I say as I shove him through the door into the hallway before he could even say truth of dare. I stick my head through the door, "Truth of dare?"

"Dare." He grumbles. I turn back to the room and ask, "So, what should Itachi's dare be?"

"Prove that he's not gay." Deidara says out in the open. Every one nods in agreement.

"Okay then," I say, "I'll go get him." I walk out into the hallway and drag a horny weasel back into the room.

"Prove you're not gay." Deidara says, he shrugs, and kisses Asagi. We all stare in amazement, wow, he's not gay.

"Want to go make out?" Itachi asks Asagi, she giggles and nods. We have to shove them out the door soon as well, leaving nine of us.

CRASH!! "CAN I USE YOUR TOILET?!?!?" Some random guy wearing orange asks, obviously he's not a ninja, what ninja where's orange, it's basically screaming 'LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!', so Sasori pointed down the hall, and he frantically ran down the hallway.

"Isn't that the kyuubi kid?" Asks an unstable Pein.

"Nah, what self respecting ninja wears orange?"

"Good point."

The next morning, we woke in a daze, thinking about the strange dream about pot and truth or dare and tequila. Though when Kakuzu and Zetsu wake up in Hidan's bed, with absolutely nothing on, and its practically the same situation for Pein and Hidan, (Itachi's room) Itachi and Asagi (Kakuzu's bedroom), Tobi and Warai (the kitchen…), Sasori and Konan (Girl Tobi's room), Me and Deidara (Pein and Konan's room), unfortunately for the boy Tobi, he decided to be a good boy, and went uke-less, though there were suspicious grapefruits in the hall…

I woke snuggling to Deidara, his arms around me, and were quite peaceful…until we noticed we're in Pein and Konan's room. We quickly try to find our clothes, but end up with just sheets tied around us. Everyone in the akatsuki go into the living room, towels or sheets on, and we quickly go into our own rooms, most of us hoping that we all just randomly sleep walked with no clothes on…yeeeeeeeah.

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if you're wondering where the hell this came from, well that is the result of leaving two teenage girls alone with kool aid and a laptop.

and i had major help from my dear friend.


End file.
